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| I always wish for a lot of things all the time; but on my birthday, when I was put on the spot to "make a wish" before I blew out my candles, my mind went blank. Guess that says a lot about the things I've been wishing for..
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| I always wish for a lot of things all the time; but on my birthday, when I was put on the spot to "make a wish" before I blew out my candles, my mind went blank. Guess that says a lot about the things I've been wishing for..
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Not too long ago, I encountered my first problem with DTR (defining the relationship). And recently, the NYT starting publishing a series of college student essays on what love means to them (
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/04/fashion/04love.html?ref=todayspaper&pagewanted=all, thanks Professor Viti). For awhile I enjoyed "not being in a relationship, but pretty much exclusively dating" type of situation, and convinced myself that the relationship didn't need to be defined: it was what it was.
But I quickly realized there's a reason why everything in the world, every word in the world has definitions: in order to prevent confusion. Water is water and not cola or juice or tea. If you start tampering with definitions, you create confusions. And that's why I think it's sad that this generation of young people think "DTR is stupid". It's not. There's a need to DTR because it will create confusion, and in the end, someone will get hurt. More so now than ever because "relationship" means something different to everyone. Just because you aren't "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" doesn't mean you're not in a relationship....if you're emotionally interacting with someone, then you're pretty much in a relationship.
Personal Ranting:
So on that note, if you freak out every time we're in a relationship, obviously I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with you no matter how much I like you; it's too stressful. You can't tell my best friend that we're not together because I didn't want to be....I mean yeah, it's true; we're not together because I don't want to be. But I don't want to be because when we're in one YOU DON'T WANT TO BE! You can't have it both ways (say that the reason we're not together is because I don't want to be, and then not want to be in a relationship when we are together).
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TEN things you wish you could say to TEN different people right now:
1. I miss you. I'm sorry that things worked out the way that they did and that you're not a greater part of my life. I've come to accept that, but just once in a blue moon I wish things could be different.
2. Sometimes I'm insanely jealous of you and want to trade lives with you and love you to death, and sometimes I wish I wasn't friends with you.
3. I'm sorry. I try hard all the time to be more open and honest, but I realized that I can't be 100% with you because you're not 100% with me. And the more I share, the more I start feeling attached, and that always hurts me in the end. It's not your fault, it's a personal issue. I can trust a stranger on the street if he says he'll hold my bag while I tie my shoes, but I can't trust anyone with secrets about myself. I'll never feel completely comfortable with sharing everything about myself with anyone, with close friends, with the guy who says "I Love You" except for the one guy who will eventually say "I Do."
4. Thank you. For always being there for me, unconditionally. I will never love you as much as you love me, but I do love you, and it took me 20 years to figure that out, that I truly love and appreciate you.
5. It took me way too long to realize that you don't know what it means to be a friend. I lost every bit of respect for you that I ever had.
6. Thank you. You don't know this, but I would not be the person I am if it weren't for you. And I'm sorry I've never expressed my gratitude.
7. Good bye.
8. I didn't know that it was 10% of my grade; please give me a chance to redo it all.
9. I was physically born on May 30, 1988. My birth certificate also says May 30, 1988. May 5, 1988 has 2.87% to do with my life.
10. Every time you joke about my weight, I laugh on the outside and cry inside.
NINE things about yourself:
1. I will always and forever be on a diet, and I will always and forever enjoy food.
2. I'm pescetarian because I don't like beef, chicken, and pork; not because I'm trying to save animals.
3. The guy I'm gonna marry is the guy that is a much better boyfriend to me than I'm a girlfriend to him; I worry that I will never find this guy.
4. I have issues with my body image and I hate the way my body is shaped and how my face looks. I have extremely low self-esteem when it comes to my looks. I gained 30 lbs in college, and often feel suicidal when I think about that. It took a lot for me to actually come to terms with the fact that I have these issues; I'm trying to deal with them. But a lot of times I cry because I feel like I'm hopeless when it comes to sculpting myself.
5. I really really want a superhero Build-A-Bear
6. Early to bed, early to rise yet I'm neither healthy, wealthy and definitely not wise.
7. I believe in God, and would categorize myself as a Christian, not blindly but out of my own will and because to me, it makes the most sense. I believe that other religions have good points, but I chose Christianity because to me, it makes the most sense in certain aspects. But I think the modern church is way too different from what church is supposed to be, and I don't go to church because I'm simply lazy. I don't like telling people that I'm Christian because my life is far too imperfect and flawed in every way possible; I know that many people negatively view Christianity because of Christians' lifestyles and I don't want to contribute to that. I also super judge Christians who don't live the way their supposed to, and I feel shameful that I do that, and I also know that I'm the biggest hypocrite in the world. I also judge people who claim JESUS IS THE ONLY WAY when they know nothing about other religions (i.e. they believe it simply because they were told that it's right...that's not faith, that's extreme naivety and closed mindedness) I only recently realized that so many of my choices and beliefs in life are shaped and influenced by this religion. It also angers me that agnostics and anti-christians joyously celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. It's not like they celebrate Passover, why the hell do they celebrate Easter?
8. I have great compassion for child soldiers and people who live in extreme poverty i.e. less than $1 a day (which usually means nothing a day). I told my parents I want to be a lawyer and my friends that I'm going to be a publisher, a photographer or the editor in chief of some great magazine, but what I really want is to leave everything and become a humanitarian. This would horrify my family. The only reason why I'm in school is not because my parents are forcing me, but because I hope to gain a better understanding of what I can do to help the world. Nowadays, I have conflicts with wanting to be rich and famous and choosing to be a humanitarian, and I have to constantly remind myself about how I promised I would not live a life influenced by money; it's harder as I grow older.
9. I love to buy myself expensive gifts, but it makes me uncomfortable when other people, including family members, buy me expensive stuff (i.e. expensive bags, shoes, clothes, make up etc...) What I really want for my birthday, is a room full of balloons / a daisy, tulip, pink rose, or sunflower, a single stem, individually wrapped / bubbles / a thoughtful letter, a really thoughtful letter... / a pretty diary or journal / something handmade etc...
EIGHT ways to win your heart:
1. sing me a song
2. write me a letter
3. smile
4. tell me you love the way I am
5. take me out on a picnic, not a fancy dinner
6. randomly show up in front of my door, just once (and only once..)
7. be on my side when I'm in the most foulest disposition, and then guide me in the right direction when I'm feeling better
8. take me to the beach :)
SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot:
1. my body & dieting
2. whether or not I'm going to go to class
3. my future
4. world peace
5. child soldiers
6. love
7. what I'm going to do this weekend
SIX things you wish you never did:
1. be desperate
2. cheat on a test
3. steal
4. get a driver's license
5. go out with you
6. procrastinate
FIVE turn offs:
1. closed mindedness
2. overwhelmingly smelly person
3. bad manners (and bad table manners)
4. arrogance / self absorbedness
5. wishy washyness
FOUR turn ons:
1. confidence (in yourself and in what you believe in, even if I disagree with you)
2. being wise
3. pretty eyes or pretty smile
4. humor
THREE smileys that describe your life:
1. }:O
2. =/
3. :I
TWO things you want to do before you die:
1. pilot a jet OR ride a hot air balloon
2. go to africa
ONE confession:
1. I lie.......a lot. | | |
| Love unfailing overtaking my heart
You take me in
Finding peace again fear is lost in all You are
And I would give the world to tell your story
Cause I know that You've called me, I know that You've called me
I've lost myself for good within Your promise
I won't hide it, I won't hide it
Jesus, I believe in You and I would go to the ends of the earth
To the ends of the earth
For You alone are the Son of God
And all the world will see
That You are God
You are God | | |
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